Gerhard’s lungs collapsed from a massive dose of GHB, and he suffocated. Despite the coroner's ruling of suicide, there is enough evidence to strongly suggest that GHB was not a weapon used in suicide, it was a weapon used to kill him. It is a lethal weapon and leaves no outward trace nor signature. It is tasteless and odourless, and it would have left him confused, dazed and powerless to defend himself. He never stood a chance against his attackers.
Photo taken on 18 Aug 2019 - just short of a year after Gerhard died. He lay on his back, neatly covered by his gym towel over his head and torso, with his head resting on his over-shoulder bag. To the right, just over the hedge, is the main road circling Regent's Park and to the front left, the gate entrance to the park (Chester Road), where Gerhard would have been clearly visible to the Met Police officer locking the gate at 9pm, before dark (at which time Gerhard's alarm would also have been sounding on his phone), had he been lying there at that time. It is also an area regularly used by people doing exercise routines, and a busy pathway just on the left, leading to the gate.
Gerhard left home on 1 September 2018 to attend a climbing course at his club. He was late and with the course already under way when he got there, chose not to attend and so we agreed by sms, just before he left the club, to meet a bit earlier than planned at London Kings Cross Station to enjoy one of our regular walking activities through the city.
I arrived but he had disappeared and after searching the previous day and night, found him deceased in Regents Park the next morning. (Directed there by a "friend" of Gerhard's who he was in contact with the previous day)
Met Police declared his cause of death unknown but also unsuspicious resulting in a limited autopsy (not forensic) and a ceased police investigation, other than that requested by the coroner which left the case open until conclusion of the inquest.
It quickly became clear to me that there appeared to be a substantial effort of cover up by Met Police and a kangaroo process being followed by the coroner and in which she finally ruled suicide, despite substantial evidence to the contrary.
The month of August, The Week and Day Before
The week and day before Gerhard was killed is an important period in forming an opinion on his state of mind. Was Gerhard suicidal, as Met Police and the coroner have extensively tried to convince.
Gerhard’s journals during the month of August and in the days before his death illustrate the turmoil in his mind that he was working though, the ups and downs in which he expressed dark and negative sentiments but equally positive thoughts and gratitude for what he had. They were sometimes logical steps of piecing together what he had experienced and his coming to terms with them and who he was. His writings are his thoughts in those moments, deeply personal and never intended to be read by anyone but himself. They express his frustrations he felt over being married to me and in other moments his gratitude towards me. Each written in the moments of his moods or feelings at the time.
It can’t be ignored that suicide was mentioned in writings. But not as a committed thoughts or threats of it, rather written as a casual lines amongst frustrations and amongst many others of positive writings of his mind processing his outlook on life. It is important also to be reminded that I remain highly conscious that Gerhard’s experiences and frame of mind could easily have resulted in suicide and that suicide should and must be fully considered as being materially possible. But possible only. The evidence strongly motivates against suicide. And also that, not only was his suicide staged, but that Met Police officers have participated in a cover up, and which has the appearance of being transferred to and supported by Westminster coroners in what I accuse of being a blatant kangaroo inquest.
There are key points that can be drawn from them:
• 18 August 2018 : 2 weeks before death
Lists individuals as having sold or supplied him drugs and which includes the name of an influential political, government and London business individual, whose contact details and picture are stored on Gerhard’s electronic equipment. The political individual is listed directly below the individual described by Gerhard as having injected him with Class A drug, Crystal Meth.
• 30 August 2018: written 2 days before death and journal re-read at 06H20 of morning of death (1 Sep)
Lists in a journal piecing together his suspicions of “friends” and their relationships towards him.
He lists the political/business individual specifically referenced to his suicide attempt in January in which he blames his allegations of rape as having driven him to it. He is referencing a discussion he held with the individual.
In that same journal, he references later on as having discussed with the same political individual his drug use and recovery and the individual having decaring having experienced the same. (grouped with the person that drove him to his January suicide attempt and Class A drug use)
• 31 August 2018: Day and evening before death
Communications with the individual to whom what appears to be the last sms sent at the scene and interpreted as a suicide note and who lead me to Gerhard’s body. The individual denied being in contact with Gerhard for some weeks, to me on the morning I found him and again at Inquest under oath. The coroner ignored his lies. The individual is listed 3 names below the political individual listed as having either sold or supplied Gerhard with drugs.
The week of Gerhard’s death was characterised by all appearance of his working through the decision making processes needed to turn his life around. His NHS psychologist had already advised him that in order to fully recover, he would need to severe all ties with those that dragged him down his path to self destruction. Doing so, would leave him lonely and isolated again. However, one thing had changed. Over the course of the previous two months or so, through London Friend, he had joined a climbing club and had made some kindred spirit friends that understood him and were walking a similar path to him. Amongst his possessions I found the ticket he had paid for his group for a Tough Mudder event.
His last challenge though was to cut ties with the “friend” that he had grown close to be remained a drug user. The same person who the final message before disappearance was sent to and the same person who lead me to his body.
Gerhard dropped off flowers at his doorstep on Friday afternoon and then sent him an sms explaining why he did not knock to give it to him in person, and that he needed to cut ties and never see him again. They communicated briefly again by sms in the evening saying thank you and goodbyes.
That evening, as he had been most evenings in the week, he appeared troubled and distressed. I felt helpless to assist him and tried only to be there for him without intervening. I had learnt to allow Gerhard to release his burdens when he was ready too and had become his “listener” when those times came. He had unburdened to me substantially over the previous months which in all honesty, was very difficult for me to hear but accepted, it was a path to complete honesty and openness between us. More importantly, his path to healing.
Day of Death : 1 September 2018
The early hours on the morning of Gerhard’s disappearance and death are a critical part of understanding the extent to which Met Police have used subterfuge and deceit in their efforts to cover up what lies behind his killing. It is also an important part of the tapestry that weaves together the process of events that points to Gerhard’s mindset and thought processes typical to how he managed and responded to his mental health challenges. As an Asperger sufferer, Gerhard showed consistent processes of how he received information, processed it and finally managed it. That morning, following each of the pieces of evidence in a timeline, supports his normal process of dealing with his challenges and resolving them, allowing him to enjoy and engage with people and his surroundings.
The morning started with a standard, very early, gym session in which his alarm woke him at 4am and is usually at gym no later than 5am to ensure he had unlimited access to equipment and could exercise unhindered. His gym had also become an escape, in a sense, from me as we spent most of our time together. Gerhard used to work for me at my place of employment and so our lives were completely interwoven.
After returning from gym, I went for morning run while he sat on the bed with his social media. Interrogation of his electronic equipment has allowed me to piece together what happened while I was out for my run.
Gerhard accessed his journal notes previously written, as well as appears to have written a dark poetic writing of his mental health. Thirty minutes after writing the poetry, he wrote an “appreciation list” which he did from time to time in manging his mental health. In it, he lists everything that he was grateful for. In terms of timelines, straight thereafter, he got going with getting ready for his climbing course later that morning.
As he walked out the door, he turned to me, which was to be the last time I was to see him alive, and confirmed that we would meet in London after his course for our regular London walks.
Once he arrived at the club, the club manager has confirmed that the course had already started and although he did kit up, he decided not to wait for the next break before he could fir in with the class. He sms’d me to tell me that he would “be done at 11:00 Finsbury Park”. I responded a bit later while he was on the bus into London and said I would be behind him and meet for lunch.
All indications are typical of his mood having lifted and he was using up time while he waited for me to arrive. He bought 1L water (typical for our long walks), cup cakes and cherry chocolates, typical of him buying treats for us if in a very good mood. He walked around the corner, purchased what is most likely his typical purchase, double espresso and a toasted cheese sandwich. He then walked across the busy main road leading to Regent’s Park and withdrew £100 cash. A typical amount for him as he did always carry cash. He then appears to have moved on into Regents Park and with time still on his hands appears to have decided to purchase steroids (“street name “juice”) from a drug dealer named on his journal list. He WhatsApp’d the dealer and who clearly knew Gerhard but not spoken for some time. They agreed on 100ml at a price of £80 with Gerhard offering an additional £20 for it to be delivered.
Soon thereafter, Gerhard changed is password which sent a message to his laptop, timestamping the change. I can’t be certain but suspect he has typical trust concerns of the dealer.
By this time I had arrived and while I was waiting for him at Kings Cross, the dealer sent him a location finder signifying he is within 50 or so meters from Gerhard on the outer circle of Regents Park.
Within the next 15 minutes, a message is sent purporting to indicate suicide, an email to me with just his password, then a message to his councillor, and then all communication lost with the tower from his phone until nine hours later, when it suddenly communicates again and continues to do so. Within 9 minutes, after messages, the watch records a last average heartbeat of 84bpm. A normal resting heartbeat.
That is all the information I have, pieced together from the Police Report and the private forensic report. Both Met Police and the coroner have repeatedly denied me access to view the EE phone and the watch recordings.
I do not know what happened with the dealer contact, but I do know all signs point to Gerhard being in a good, positive mood and that his message was to purchase steroids, which he used. There is not a single pointer in his actions before meeting the dealer suggesting suicide, only the contrary. Every official document of drug street name, including that of a recently published Westminster Council Committee investigation into London drug use, lists Steroids as having a street name of “Juice”, not a single UK published research article suggests otherwise.
London Met Police refuse to accept any of this evidence and have blocked its submission on the basis, in a letter sent by Commissioner Cressida Dick’s personal assistant, of “another investigation in progress”. The status quo remains to this day despite follow up requests to Deputy Commissioner Stephen House in 2021, but has not responded too.
Day of Discovery : 2 September 2018
Having searched around the climbing club and Finsbury Park Train Station area I returned home just after midnight on the morning of the 2nd, with a decision to get a little bit of sleep before venturing out again to find Gerhard.
Waking up at about 4 am I decided I needed to research how to report someone missing through Met Police with the intention of doing so should I not find him by mid-day. In doing so I opened my and found the email he had sent me the previous day with just the words in the title “PASSWORD” and in the body of the email, just the password. I don’t know the meaning behind this and suspect it may have been in the middle of the struggle he was going through with his killers and was his final message to me to ensure I had access to his electronic equipment. It would be very typical of Gerhard that he did not want to draw me near to him knowing he would put my own life in danger. Similarly, it explains his silence before meeting the dealer as he knew I would disapprove and possibly react. It would have kept me away from what he perceived to be dangerous in meeting with the dealer (hence also the changing of his password already discussed, just before meeting).
Having his password I tried to gain access to iPad on the bedside table and gained part access, enough to get the contact details of the “friend” to whom the message unbeknown to me then, had been sent.
He responded only that he had not seen or spoken to Gerhard for some weeks (which I knew to be a lie) but that Gerhard had sent him a location finder the previous day (he withheld that an sms had been sent). I felt it strange too that at this point he seemed to commiserate in his message to me (as if he knew Gerhard was already dead).
I followed the location finder and first identified Gerhard some distance away as a large “object” in the grass. As I walked closer I recognised it to be a person and closer still, was able to recognise his hair visible from under the towel. I gingerly lifted a corner and identified it to be Gerhard. I felt his neck, cold, and knew he was deceased. I phone 999 and tried to identify where I was to the operator and eventually assist in flagging the ambulance down which I could hear going up and down the road on the other side of the hedge trying to find me.
During this process, the operator instructed me to pull the bag on which his head lay, out from underneath him, which I did easily. (a contentious matter in later assertions of Met Police cover up).
Met Police were first responders to the scene and took over CPR until emergency services crew arrived to preform their procedures to detect a heartbeat, which there was none.
After being spoken to and my own mobile phone confiscated, I was eventually moved a couple of meters back under the tree to wait and watch as officers moved Gerhard’s body about. In this process, I observed two significant wounds on his wrist and knuckles which I described reported as being “strange” through Met Police additional information channels two days later. What happened later at the scene has been recoded on police body cam footage and has subsequently proven invaluable in substantiating a “staged scene” and a Met Police “cover up”. It was by chance I learnt of the body cam footage and demanded to view it.
I was driven home by Met Police officers who did a walk through the house and in the process was communicating with someone else (I can’t remember what I said but should be recorded on their bodycam which has not been submitted as evidence), and resulted in me being hauled down to Belgravia Police Station for an in camera interview.
After the interview, I was allowed to leave and caught the tube back to where my and Gerhard’s car was still parked. For the first time, I broke down as I drove home.
After : 3rd September Met Police investigation and Coroner inquisition
What followed was a process of allusiveness in which there were communications but in effect nothing communicated, culminating, after having almost to beg the coroner, with the pathologists summary report being released two before Christmas – just short of four months later, and learnt for the first time that Gerhard had died from a lethal dose of GHB.
Mid January, I met with the investigating officer for the first time ever since Gerhard’s killing to review his report to the coroner. It angered me substantially in what he had written as it was apparent that he was wring it with subterfuge. Some of what he wrote was so ridiculous as to have been almost impossible to have occurred.
On a week getaway to Sweden I researched how to report what I believed to be corruption in Met Police investigation. I reported my complaint through the IOPC and the inquest was delayed.
What has followed has been an arduous process in which I have come to label as an abomination of policing and betrayal of the coroners. It pains me to write and talk in that manner but I wholly stand by my assertions and accusations by try to ensure that I am understood not to mean that it is directed at all officers or all coroners. I recognise completely the incredible and honourable work that most do in their professions.
In the fight for truth of why Gerhard was killed and why there has been such a concerted effort to cover it up, the trail leads through a diamond of death in which there is every appearance of political motives and interventions leading to Met Police cover up at the most senior levels and complicity of the coroners (Radcliffe and Wilcox) in that cover up.
These aspects are covered in the further chapters that follow.